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Friday, October 7, 2011

An Interview with Twin Trinity Media “Elements of Dimension” Anthology Contributing Author Robert L. Arend

Ted: Mr. Arend—
RA: Please, don’t be so formal. Call me ‘The Robert’.
Fred: I will do no such thing. There are millions of Roberts in the world, Mr. Arend. You are not ‘The’ only one.
RA: I’m sorry you feel that way. You, however, think it’s perfectly all right to start off being ‘Ted’ and then switching to ‘Fred’.
Alex: In the latest Twin Trinity Media anthology Elements of Dimension you are listed as the writer of David and the Outside and Creation. Why only two?
RA: I got a poem in it, too.
Renee: Yes. Astral Voyeur. I want to explore that a bit later.
RA: Hey, first you flip from one name to another, now you change your sex. What’s next? Species?
Lizard: In David and the Outside, you present a scenario of a self-sufficient, controlled and seemingly underground society where no one is allowed to go outside. Was that story rooted in some personal experience?
RA: Yes.
Snake: Do you want to talk about it?
RA: No.
Tooth: I take it the event was too traumatic for you?
RA: How would you feel if you were kept inside every day having to learn reading, writing and math, even history!
Lady Gaga: Every child has to go through that, Mr. Arend. It’s called school.
RA: (tear streaming down his left cheek) Why me! Geography was the worse. All I wanted to do is run and play outside. Go fishing. Put frogs in my sister’s bed.
Elvis: Let’s move on. Your poem Astral Voyeur is about a lonely man whose spirit leaves his body to travel to the home of an old flame. He can see her, but she can’t see him. Is that a metaphor for all the unloved people society refuses to see?
RA: No. It’s about that creepy feeling when you think you’re being watched. You probably are, especially when you’re naked.
Naked Playmate: Is that how you feel when you’re in the shower, Mr. Arend
RA: Yes. That’s why I only shower when “American Idol” is on. I know nobody’s watching me then.
Harry Potter: Finally, in your short story, Creation, you posit that we write, produce, cast and direct everything in our lives from beyond the universe.
RA: Yes. We imagine everything, including ourselves.
Bill O’Reilly: Am I just a figure of your imagination, Mr. Arend?
RA: Of course.
Sarah Palin: Then why can’t you make me disappear, Mr. Arend?
RA: Oh, but I can. (blinks) You were never real in the first place.
End of interview.

Elements of Dimension is available in paperback at:


  1. This is by far the most interesting interview I have ever read. I would like to meet this The Robert some day but I'm sure he's way too famous.

    Good job on snagging the interview, Naked Puppy. Rock on.

  2. Yes, I am quite famous. Some stange guy creeps up on my porch every day, too timid to ring my doorbell for fear of disturbing the famous man inside. He quietly drops my fan mail in the bucket let out for that purpose, from such important fans as Bank of America, Citi, Capital One, Chase, Verizon, and Waste Management. They all beg for my autograph, yet immediately exchange it for money. You see, fame has its consequences, and I am poorer at the end of every month for it....